Welcome to Thug Workout. A new feature on Purple City Soufflé where one of our staff has decided to track their progress on the phenomenal Freeletics programme whilst attempting to review whatever bullshit it is he listens to whilst working out.
A quick explanation from Bayfield: Freeletics is a paid for app / workout scheme which, after an initial fitness test, generates a weekly “Coach” programme for the user. The programme adapts to the end of workout feedback you log so if you’re giving it Billy Big Bollocks about how easy the day’s workout was you’ll probably find yourself feeling like you’ve been hit by a bus, a train and a Volvo estate couple of workouts later as the “Coach” will have ramped you up accordingly. Today is day one of week three… Yes what the fuck happened to weeks one and two you may well ask but don’t worry about them. They are done and dusted. Besides I only just came up with the idea for this feature.
Anyway with no further ado let’s crack on.
Week 3. Day 1: 1 x Aphrodite Workout
Stage 1 – 50 x Burpees, 50 x Squats, 50 x Situps
Stage 2 – 40 x Burpees, 40 x Squats, 40 x Situps
Stage 3 – 30 x Burpess, 30 x Squats, 30 x Situps
Stage 4 – 20 x Burpess, 20 x Squats, 20 x Situps
Stage 5 – 10 x Burpess, 10 x Squats, 10 x Situps
Hardest workout yet by far. Does boozing ’til 3am constitute warming up? Probably. Do I have to count today as my treat day because I was drinking after midnight or is that still part of yesterday because I went to bed? Heaven knows. All I really know is that Burpees make it feel like someone has jammed a bag of ice cubes in my chest cavity and then thrown me onto the floor and asked me to get up… then done it again. And again and again and again. Squats and situps not so much of a problem in comparision but by stage 3 the whole thing was a bloody car crash. By the end of the workout my gym kit was wetter than a November weekend in Bognor Regis spent watching The Notebook.
Workout Time: 31 minutes 47 seconds
Workout difficulty: 9 out of 10
Listening to: Trick Daddy – Thug Holiday (2002)
Not without its moments: All I Need is a classic example of that squelch bottomed, gangster bragging, synth coloured stuff that was literally pouring out of the South in the early noughties, the completely off-kilter Spanish guitar and Big Boi appearance on In The Wind coupled with Trick regularly shouting “Trick lurrrrrv da kiiiids” and some quality productions from the like of Jim Jonsin, Cool & Dre and Gorilla Tek all shine but the album’s momentum is regularly weighed down every now and then by Trick’s frequent attempts at “emotional Thug” tunes which have neither the genuine sentiment nor tongue in cheek slyness needed to carry such fluff. For instance Thug Holiday could have been a skippy little caper number about Thug and his mischievous crew taking a week off slanging and heading to the UK midlands to push in queues at Chessington World Of Adventure, headbutt park security, throw chips and gravy at single mums and get sloshed in Wetherspoons, instead it’s a sappy by-the-numbers ballad of historical social injustice in America, Trick bemoaning judges getting paid more than teachers and general surface level soul searching… as if this wasn’t off-key enough it’s immediately followed up by a skit in which a girl cries on the phone to her friend about the enormity of Trick Daddy’s penis, leading the friend to decide to hang up on her girl and ring Trick for (assumedly) some good dickin’. Lovely stuff. Throughout however Trick’s flow keeps his largely uninspired lyrics afloat, coming across something like a slightly hyperactive Slim Thug. He’s got that same syrupy baritone flow however he’s far more nimble with it. Another talent Daddy has on this (and other albums) is his ability to pick good guests to support. Also notable for some slight racism toward the Asian community and a couple of early (and appalling) Rick Ross appearances.
All in all a bewilderingly uneven bit of a laugh.
Beats: 7 out of 10
Lyrics: Mostly it’s not even worth trying to fathom whether they are good, bad, serious, ironic or randomly generated in a William S Burroughs cut-up style.
Thugness: 7 out of 10
Chauvenism: 8 out of 10
Geographical Shoutouts: 7 out of 10
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